on life

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~ excerpts from a while before ~

some of thought. some downloads. some insights. sometimes in truth. sometimes in truth for that moment only. sometimes contextual. as it is.

4 the universe has an ego. the universe experiences her ego through us.

4 self knowing
things need to identify themselves as separate in order to experience themselves. the universe needs a sense of separation in order to experience different expressions of itself.

4 happiness and truth
universe - different expressions of itself manifested. purpose, to come into alignment with that expression. depression if we are not in alignment. look to childhood to see clues as to how we naturally expressed ourselves. what moved me as a kid? moving from one side, then totally to the other, then coming to centre with awareness of illusion and knowing of both.

4 dinosaurs
planet been here for billions of years, always changing, moving, life forms coming into being, growing, dying, reforming. dinosaurs lived here, then conditions not working for dinosaurs. so no more dinosaurs. conditions soon not good for many life forms ~ planet over-populated by people, out of balance, and so many species dying. and maybe most of us die too, from disease, draught, poison. then planet starts from "beginning" and new life forms come into existance. planet takes time to heal, to come back into "balance". we're all waking up now because we face death.

4 seeing the universe through human eyes is one of the highest experiences of self-knowing.. if we are awake.

4 self knowing
the universe/spirit/god experiences itself through the manifest world, through different beings. but will she ever know herself?
we experience ourselves though life, through the manifest world, through our different senses. but will we ever know ourself?
is that our purpose? to know? is it the purpose of the universe fo know herself? or just an experience? all that there is to experience.. all the possibilities.
and then what? what would happen when that knowing becomes? when we know? when the universe realises? awakening into knowingness? will there just then be a continuous pulsating experience ~ continuing to experience herself but this time with awareness? this then reflects on us ~ what now? this sudden understanding and awareness to all that is, now what, me being a part of the universe experiencing herself through me. more people shifting into this awareness - but what now to do with this awareness? continue living in this experience? or start to see what parts of this planet have been damaged in the process of seeking self-knowledge and start to heal those parts, understanding and knowing how we/i might be able to experience myself without pain ~ like being tangled in a giant ball of yarn ~ wanting to enter it and experience this entanglement, for what is yarn? and then through the awareness of interconnectedness, and through constant seeking to understand, the tangles get even more entwined and uncomfortable, so now starting to untangle areas because now with a grater knowledge of awareness. and once all the twine has been untangled, then what?
because human beings may be best tool so far for self-awareness and knowing, the universe is now aware of this process (before it was just happening, and the universe just observed this happening) things just happened - unmanifest toward manifest, and now the awareness is born that the reason this happened is for seeking self-knowing.

4 now aware of this journey of seeking the self, and now also aware that humans may be the best tool to hold this self-awareness, it's now even more important to move towards sustainability and planetary healing in order to hold this tool and aspect of awareness. the universe only experiences the present moment ~ and only since humans arrived, did we start documenting the physical process. history, dinosaurs, what's been happening. through humans, the universe gets a broader overall view of herself ~ what's been happening, what the physical world looks like, the understanding of evolution.

4 ego
we are all god/spirit looking out onto the manifest world, yet what separates god's essence from the manifest world is the barrier of ego.
ego is the block ~ it blocks us from remembering god; our true essence; it's a barrier in which we forget. ego experiences separation. ego experiences fear. ego experiences fighting to get somewhere.
when we are able to let our essence surface, all that is left is great spirit peering out through our eyes at the manifest world observing all that is around him/her. here there is no resistance, there there is only pure connection to source, here there is enlightenment and perfect flow.
once this is how it was always, but over many many years, spirit in manifested form started believing that this was all he was, and started identifying with the manifest world. and over the years, the block, the layer, the ego, grew thicker and harder to penetrate. then recently spirit became aware of this phenomenan, and started sending out beings to correct this happening. the above can also be explained like the heel of a foot slowly growing callusses and forgetting the softness it once was, and the feel of grass.

4 infinity
everything has an opposite. (the symbol of infinity) one side is the manifest, the other side is the non-manifest, is spirit. where there is "thing" there is "no-thing" in the unmanifest.
i am sitting here now with you, close, in separate bodies, and even this has an opposite ~ in the unmanifest world, there is no separation, no specific place, we are omnipresent - everwhere and no-where.

4 happiness and truth
we arrive here with a blueprint of who we really are, and only when we are exactly that, without judgement or fear of being that, then we can be truly happy. same with all creatures. an animal can be truly happy if it is allowed to be exactly that. what makes a chicken happy? being a chicken. what does being a chicken look like? scratching, perching, dustbaths etc. anything else is not good enough. cruelty is not allowing a being to be what it is.

4 self knowing
moving from one side/space/being/polarity to the other in order to understand the first. and then in that space, all i experience is the side i am on. light can only experience itself through it's opposite, the darkness. and yet in the darkness, there is only darkness that is experienced, and light may forget light? so it needs to move from light to dark to light to really understand both. when i'm in the manifest world, in order to really see what it is like, i take the perspective of the unmanifest. yet when i'm in the unmanifest awareness, that's all i see.

4 polarity
from the unmanifest world, souls project themselves into the manifest world. i had this image of people being like puppets on strings, or projection beams. beings in the unmanifest world project images of themselves onto the manifest canvas and interact from there. (both polarities are present all the time on the opposite sides of infinity)

4 gratitude
when i really feel gratitude, it is no to anyone or anything and neither is it specific. for this feeling of gratitude is felt in my centre, and the centre that i am aware of is the very centre of the planet, of the universe, the centre that readiates outwards, and simultaneously holds all that is, infinity

4 infinity
is not big, it is tiny. for within each miniscule infinite tinyness, is the infinite everythingness.

4 of time
that if logged time didn't exist (or maybe communication), i would never be able to make an appointment to meet you at a certain time in the future. therefore all meetings i do have would be synergetic encounters, they would be perfect, as i couldn't be anywhere other than here at this moment. and my life would be more blissful, as i'd only move if i had a need to move. otherwise i'd stay put once i felt the situation/space was nurturing and fulfilling.

4 still mind
what do i do to release the mind and busyness and be in the space where i really know my needs? visualisation of snipping. snipping all that is around me and letting the busyness fall, so all there is is stillness and clarity.

on love

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~ on love, roles and learning ~

there are two ways to learn. the first way is through trial and error. most of society grows up through this way. we draw on the walls, we get a smack. we realise that when we draw on the walls, we get a smack, and so we don't draw on the walls any more. schools also teach us in this way. if we hand in our work late, then these are the consequences. we get punishment. if we hand in our work on time, and answer all the questions that the teachers want to hear, then we are rewarded. we want to make the choice that has the the most comfortable outcome for us. the path of least resistance. and if we don't, we learn.

the other way to learn, is to know it all already.

like baking. i can either learn how to make a cake through trial and error, checking out recipes (which were also made from trial and error) or i can know intrinsically about the role of each ingredient.

not only do we learn to learn through trial and error, but we learn to teach through this method as well. if the dog does not do what we want it to do, then we punish it. the dog learns through this method.

and yet another way would be to really learn the role of each ingredient and know that we are all ingredients and all have our roles. and get a sense of the whole.

what is a dog? a dog is life/spirit/god peering out through a dog filter. a squirrel is life/spirit/god peering out through a squirrel filter. and so a dog just is.
a dog dogs. a squirrel squirrels. they naturally fall into their roles with great ease.

and the purpose of the squirrel's role is where, (by being it's most natural expression) it benefits the whole. in it's life it climbs trees, picks nuts, buries them, gets hunted by other creatures etc. and so it's role is to plant seeds and to feed others.

a vulture's role is to clean up the savannah. the worms role is to create delicious compost and air-rate the ground.

so what is our role?
to find out what is the most natural thing for us to do. what is the most intrinsic expression of our true selves.. of humanity. what do we do most naturally when there is complete balance within us?
we love.
this is our role.
this is our purpose in life.
this is what we do most naturally when our environment supports us to fall into our deepest truth.

and what purpose does love have?
it is the creative energy of the universe
we create energy.

this energy, in it's purest form, is chanelled as inspiration and creative energy into deep connections of oneness, connection to source, balance in nature, and the free-flow expression of beingness.
when our environment supports us to flow freely in this love, we radiate and heal those around us.
when we are in a space of love, with our hearts fully open, we don't need anything else. we don't need material objects. we don't need recognition. we don't need external validation or money.. and in this space we are sensitive to all that is, each energy, and the purpose of each role.
if we've experienced circumstances in which our open hearts were not fully accepted, or we partly closed our hearts for some reason, through fear, self-judgement, etc (another example may be fear of misinterpretation - if we love completely, other people may get scared of this, misinterpret us, or push us away) and yet our hearts are still slightly open, we are inspired and find ease in chanelling this love into creating beauty, song, dance, art, poetry.. a way to express this love energy.. and yet still there's a little part in us which is still not completely flowing and in full truth. we are closer than most though.

so to sum up: there are three ways of being, of experiencing our hearts.
fully open heart experience - loving completely, coming into balance with self, into truth, into harmony with all that is, spirit flowing through us, in us around us, in perfect timing and dance. here with the awareness of all the creatures and beings and their roles, and so we are able to live fully supported by all that is around us.
half open heart - where our heart is open, and yet there is still fear and not allowing it to flow totally out of us in natural ways.. in case of misinterpretation. and so we find other ways to chanel this love energy - through dance, movement, art, song etc
closed / "deformed" heart - heart not functioning in full flow, from previous experience of abuse etc. the frustration of this manifesting in experience of separation - so we do things with no awareness.. build buildings on wetland areas, abuse the earth.

what happened that we have forgotten our roles to love?

why are our hearts not fully open all the time?
i believe it started out as a misunderstanding.
there are opposites to everything. where there is love, there is no-love. where there is manifest, there is unmanifest.
the polarity to love is not hate or any other emotion/feeling/experience. it is no love.

and somewhere along the line, there was a misunderstanding.
maybe someone had stubbed their toe, and so felt in pain and angry and quiet. and so another person mis-interpreted this. maybe they took this thing personally. and when they expressed love, the other person didn't respond in a loving way. and a little part of their heart may have closed. (learning through trial and error)
a friend of theirs may have come up and felt this heart-closing of their friend and may have taken that personally. maybe. and so it perpetuated a series of heart-closing situations. and all being misunderstood. maybe.

(in this space, instead of just being aware of me, i am aware of you and your awareness of me. and i am constantly gauging your response for where i can be that will be accepted and loved. and i spend much energy invested in this dance of what you and society perceive to be acceptable or unacceptable. and through this comes much self-judgment if i get it wrong. as i am not being in my deepest truth of being, but rather pretending how i believe i should be.)

and so this energy of misunderstanding, taking things personally, and closing of hearts got bigger and was more invested in. as human's we started pretending things should be a certain way. because we were shouted at when we licked our plates clean, we learn to shout at our children for doing this.

and so this energy, that we have in our bodies, if our hearts are even more closed, instead of being love energy which is inspired, creative and emitting of beauty, it is coming from blocked heart chanels, and so is coming out into the world in ugly expressions. we start digging holes and making big scars on mother earth to get energy from coal to power big ugly trains to transport ugly building materials, to make ugly buildings with material that was stolen from the earth without awareness.

and because things dont flow so easily (because we are unaware of the roles we and other expressions of life play) we learn and teach through trial and error and want to control and force a flow that is not the natural way.

the energy that is then emitted into the atmostphere is trapped in ugliness and is heating up the planet.
and here we will learn through trial and error. and yet it didn't necessarily have to be this way.

often we spend many years of our life blind and searching for happiness.. and happiness i believe being a space in which we are in our truth.. when we have come home to ourselves in our true being and allow ourselve to love without fear. for example, after many years we finally figure out that what we really love is painting.. this is where our love energy was able to be expressed most profoundly. and yet we studied law because our parents wanted to study law, because that's the way to play into the illusion and facade of society. the false satisfaction of being recognised, of making lots of money, of playing this game because everyone else is playing it.

how the planet is, how people are, how society is at the moment is not natural. it may have occurred naturally given the circumstances, but it is not the natural way of being.
if i start scratching my leg, and continue scratching, i will eventually scratch through the skin and it will bleed. this consequence is a natural result given the circumstance, but what made me start scratching in the first place was the imbalance.. i may be feeling anxious, angry, frustrated.. my heart was not fully open.

and yet if we release control, and fall back into that space of knowing the role of each animal/plant/life/elemental being, and coming back into harmony with the planet, then all life will support each other and itself. and we will have no need to control any more. controlling is not our purpose. it's what's come out of the imbalance.